My signed copy of Bold Fresh

The moment has finally arrived.

I just received my signed copy of Bill O'Reilly's A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity; my reward for submitting a limerick that Bill O'Reilly read aloud on his program The O'Reilly Factor on 30 March 2010. The book may end up damaged some day, so I took the precaution of capturing the image digitally to preserve it for eternity. I will treasure it forever.

I began my quest to win a signed copy of the book back in late 2009. Bill reads what he identifies as "pithy" e-mails at the end of his show. Periodically he concludes the segment by posting and reading a cute limerick, and awarding a signed copy of his book to the poet. After a couple of unsuccessful tries, I finally decided to write a limerick called Pithy and I submitted it on 4 March 2010. I hit pay dirt on 30 March 2010 when he ended his program with this piece:

Pithy

The Factor keeps me in the know,
Helping my knowledge to grow,
When facts need exploring,
Bill’s never too boring,
His pithiness pleases me so.
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Poetic License

I was explaining to someone that poetic license allows us to manipulate words and phrases to tell a story in rhyme. After saying the expression "poetic license" a few more times, it began to sound strange, and it suddenly took on a whole new comical meaning to me. So I sat down and wrote Poetic License in a mixed-meter verse to capture the comical twist.

Poetic License

I wrote one too many
Poems in my time
And stretched all the writing rules
Too far to make things rhyme

I pushed on the envelope
A bit too far until it broke
Now they’re here just to revoke…my poetic license

I thought writing lots of stuff
Would be so darn terrific
So I really worked so hard
To make myself prolific

I wrote by night, I wrote by day
I wrote in places I can’t say
Now they want to take away…my poetic license

Now that I am getting old
All that’s left for me
Is publishing my poems
To create my legacy

Please don’t toss me in the heap
It’s a price that’s way too steep
So I beg you, let me keep…my poetic license


Steven Pein
22 April 2010
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Fried Chicken

I just want to make it clear that people need to eat right to stay healthy. There are so many different diets around that it's mind boggling to sort out which ones are better for you. So I have come to the aid of you poor folks struggling to stay healthy. It's really quite simple.

Fried Chicken

When God created people-food
He didn’t get it right
It took five thousand more years
But He finally saw the light

We only need fried chicken
We can eat it day and night
There’s many ways to fix it
But the Colonel got it right

KFC must surely have
The blessing of our Lord
Eleven herbs and spices
Is the recipe that scored

Roasted, broasted, even grilled
Were all put to the test
All were pretty good attempts
But the Colonel scored the best

No way can plain beef compete
Or lamb, or duck, or veal
KFC’s fried chicken
Is the only righteous meal

Variety’s not good for us
That’s just a bunch of lies
If you want to mix it up
Just order up some fries

Don’t you worry about your weight
Fried chicken keeps you thin
So eat up every bit of it
And don’t forget the skin

I could go forever
With this piece of poetry
But I think I’ll end it now
And run to KFC

Steven Pein
20 April 2010
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Our Garden

Every day we sit and watch the birds in our garden and it is absolutely awesome. We are constantly tending to the feeders and birdbaths, and each day we look forward to seeing a new clutch of babies being trained by their mothers (and sometimes their fathers as well) to fend for themselves. Today, Janice was watching me compose a few other poems, and she challenged me to write one about our birds. So I wrote Our Garden as a special request. I hope you enjoy it.

Our Garden

Our garden is a paradise
Where many birds are found
There’s food and drink abundant
And birdbaths all around

We sit and watch for hours
As parents feed their young
While all their sounds are chirped
And all their songs are sung

Hummingbirds and Sparrows
Finches, Doves and Crows
Orioles and Blue Jays
And others, Heaven knows

To simply sit and watch them
As cheerfully they play
Is such a special gift from God
A precious gift each day


Steven Pein
20 April 2010
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Founding Fathers

Did you ever wonder what the Founding Fathers might think if they could see what direction we have taken? They were men of faith, hope, and charity, and they envisioned a totally different path. But they knew all about tyranny and they did everything in their power to frame a nation that would be resistant to the tyrants. I wrote Founding Fathers in an attempt to capture the sadness they might feel "if they were alive today".


Founding Fathers

If Washington came back today
And took a look around
I know he’s be disheartened
By all the things he found

And Franklin too would grieve to see
How much we’d failed the test
And lost our precious freedoms
In the country God had blessed

Jefferson would view it all
And think back to his days
For he had tried to warn us
Of tyrants’ crafty ways

Paul Revere would see our plight
And think of how we fought
And wonder why so many lives
Were sacrificed for naught

Tyrants stole our freedom
But we can’t pass the blame
We who have allowed it
Should hang our heads in shame

Steven Pein
20 April 2010
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American Dream

This poem just popped out of my head today while I was thinking about what a nightmare the Obama administration has been. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

American Dream

Please tone down your rhetoric
Take it down a peg
And don’t tell us it’s raining
When you’re peeing on our leg

Your arrogance amazes us
Consider yourself warned
There’s no crowd that’s angrier
Than voters who’ve been scorned

Take a tip from history
That we won’t go away
Until you start to listen
To what we have to say

You’ve lied once too often
And made the voters scream
And you just woke us up
From our American dream

Don’t take us too lightly
It wouldn’t serve you well
You are not invincible
There’s bigger men that fell

Take a moment to reflect
On what it is you’re doing
‘Cause things much less offensive
Have led things into ruin

Steven Pein
19 April 2010
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We the people...I love great quotations.

Liberal Democrats love to bash Tea Party protesters, ignore the will of the people, and legislate without regard to the Constitution. With that in mind, I find the following two quotations most impressive. Read them and see if you know who said them.

“To stand in silence when they should be protesting makes cowards out of men.”

“We the people are the rightful masters of both Congress and the courts, not to overthrow the Constitution but to overthrow the men who pervert the Constitution.”

That's powerful stuff. Do you know who said these things?
(Please see the label below.)
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Do you think the economy is stabilizing?

Not by a long shot. We could start almost anywhere and reach the same conclusions, but let's focus on something sacred to the middle class...the price of homes.

The price of homes is not even close to a bottom, and here’s why.

Spendable income is about to drop considerably as massive overt and covert taxes take hold. The problem is that homes must drop in price to fall into the affordability window of the lower middle class majority. And several predictable events will even help accelerate the downward pricing.

1. Additional mortgage defaults and bankruptcies will greatly increase the supply of existing homes.
2. Home equity borrowing will all but disappear, further diminishing spending.
3. Selling of stock portfolios to supplement income will depress the stock markets severely and diminish “paper wealth”.
4. Wealth reduction will lead to sharp spending declines that further depress profits and send stock prices even lower.
5. Durable goods demand will drop to an unprecedented level. Cars, refrigerators, televisions, computers and other such goods will be purchased almost exclusively to replace broken and non-repairable goods, and not to upgrade.
6. Loss of durable goods demand will result in further unemployment.
7. Local, State, and Federal taxes must increase to make up for the resulting revenue shortfalls, and we find ourselves caught in a vicious cycle.

What do you think?
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Beware the Maxie Mouse

Max is a force to be reckoned with. This poem serves as a warning to all who might otherwise underestimate him.



Beware the Maxie Mouse

Cats and dogs take heed my friends
And don’t come near this house
‘Cause if you do you’ll have to deal
With mighty Maxie Mouse

Burglars and thieves take note
Don’t mess with this small guy
‘Cause Maxie Mouse won’t bite you
He’ll lick you ‘til you die

UPS and Fed-Ex men
Risk life and limb each day
Max may choose to let you live
But that’s just for today

Always watchful for the chance
To rescue mom and dad
Maxie Mouse stays vigilant
He’s brave and never bad

And if you come to do us harm
There’s no sense even hoping
You won’t get the drop on Max
He sleeps with both eyes open

Dogs that pass him on his walks
Know better than to try
To come up from behind him
And sniff the Maxie guy

No dog could be tougher
More trusty or more true
The Maxie Mouse is number one
Sheer fierceness through and through


Steven Pein
15 April 2010
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Oblivion

When Oblivion worked its way out of my head and onto a blank page, I didn't really know what was coming. I had experienced something similar before; I always said that The Six "wrote itself". I was just a conduit through which the words got typed, and it turned into a novel. Oblivion was similar.

Oblivion takes us through the final moments of a life. It's not about passing away...It's about dying.


Oblivion

Walk into oblivion,
Simply disappear,
No one here to bother you,
No one will come near.

Memories that haunt your thoughts,
Which ones aren’t real?
All of them seem distant now,
Don’t trust what you feel.

Did you see the blackness,
Did you find your soul,
Did you see the emptiness,
Black as dusty coal?

Whispers barely penetrate,
Absence of all sound,
What’s the voice that’s calling you?
The source is not around.

Are you sure you’re here alone,
Can you swear it’s true,
Godly sounds that fill your heart,
Could they be for you?

Are you ready for the end,
Has your heart been pure,
Can you count yourself among,
Those in store for more?

Are you ready for the big parade,
To show them all your strut,
Do you get to Heaven now,
Did you make the cut?

You spent your life denying,
Your Creator’s will,
Do you think that you’re entitled,
To be around Him still?

Weep no more now stranger,
You only had one chance,
You never took the high road,
Just drank and smoked and danced.

Lived life for your enjoyment,
Told yourself that’s fine,
You’ll get nothing in the end,
What’s ahead you’ll never find.

What are other people seeing,
When they pass your grave,
Do they know the truth now,
That you were never saved?


Steven Pein
26 August 2003
Copyright 2003

Civics 101 - Compensation

Take a look at the packages your leaders in Washington are getting.

House and Senate rank-and-file members earn $174,000.
House and Senate Majority and Minority Leaders earn $193,400.
The Speaker of the House, a.k.a Nancy-the-Terrible, earns $223,500.

Additionally, the Social Security Amendments of 1983 required all Members of Congress to participate in Social Security beginning January 1, 1984. As Social Security and CSRS benefits (the old civil service pension) sometimes overlapped, Congress called for the development of a new federal employee retirement program to complement Social Security. This new plan was enacted as the Federal Employees' Retirement Act of 1986. This act created the FERS program, under which new Members of Congress are currently covered and older members could elect to join.

Here's the core of it:

A full pension is available to Members 62 years of age with 5 years of service; 50 years or older with 20 years of service; or 25 years of service at any age.

Members of Congress under FERS contribute 1.3 percent of their salary into the FERS retirement plan and pay 6.2 percent of their salary in Social Security taxes.

The pension amount is determined by a formula that takes into account the years served and the average pay for the top three years in terms of payment. Based on 2002 data from the Congressional Research Service, the average pension payment ranged from $41,000 to $55,000. For example, a Congressman who worked for 22 years and had a top three-year average salary of $153,900 would be eligible for a pension payment of $84,645 per year. (By law, the starting amount of a Member's retirement may not exceed 80% of his or her final salary.)

And, by the way, a cost-of-living-adjustment (COLA) increase takes effect annually unless Congress votes to not accept it.
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How stupid are we?

I was just pondering our situation in America under our present regime. If not for the tragedy, it would almost be funny....

A half gallon of ice cream now has 1.5 quarts. But that’s okay. The price didn’t go up. Skipping a few desserts will probably help us drop a few pounds.
How stupid are we?

A pound of coffee now has 11 ounces. But that’s okay. The price didn’t go up. A few less cups of coffee will probably help us sleep better.
How stupid are we?

There aren’t enough jobs for everyone. But that’s okay. Prices didn’t go up. The government can raise taxes and hire the jobless to answer phones at the Unemployment Office.
How stupid are we?

Our standard of living is deteriorating. But that’s okay. The government will pass Cap and Trade to help us raise the prices of electricity, water, gasoline, heating fuel and natural gas.
How stupid are we?
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The America I Love

I wrote The America I Love this morning to express the resentment I feel as politicians presume to know more than we know about what we want and need. This is a protest and a call to take back our great country.

The America I Love

Don’t tell me to shut my mouth
To stop from being heard
Don’t tell me that you know best
And tell me I’m absurd

Don’t tell me what I can do
And what I’m not allowed
Don’t tell me my gatherings
Are terrifying crowds

Don’t tell me to trust you
To take care of my needs
Then proceed to sell me out
With all your thoughtless deeds

Don’t tell me I’ll be all right
If I take your direction
‘Cause you don’t care for anything
Beyond your re-election

Give me back my country
Give me back my space
Give me back control because
America’s my place

My place to live in freedom
My place to make my stand
My place to say what’s on my mind
My place to own some land

My place that welcomes new ideas
My place to earn a buck
My place where folks lend helping hands
To folks down on their luck

My place to take a risk or two
My place to speak my view
My place where rule of law exists
My place where dreams come true

My place to hold my head up high
Where so much is allowed
America above all else
My place to feel so proud

Steven Pein
1 April 2010
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